Great Scots!!!


This past weekend I was invited to participate in the 3rd Annual Bannockburn celebration at Fort Donelson, Nashville, TN, at the home of Clan Kannard. This was my first venture into the world of the Scottish with their tartans and cries of "huzzah!"

Coming from a Dutch/English background, experiencing the heritage of others always fascinates me, especially if they are fiercely devoted and proud. My Dutch ancestors only seemed concerned with growing flowers, spinning windmills and clogging, while my English ancestors were busy drinking tea and snubbing their noses at everyone.

I found Clan Kannard to be exactly what I hoped a Scottish Clan would be - brave in heart (no pun intended) and fiercely proud of their heritage. From Senior Kannard, John, to the Smallest Kannard, Robert, these attributes were very evident.

June 24th marked the anniversary of the Battle of Bannockburn, led by Robert the Bruce, who in 1314 led this very important victory in the Wars of Scottish Independence.

As we joined together in the muggy night air, torches lit not only for light but to ward off pests, our Host Kannard, Brian, raised his glass and toasted the courage of his past ancestors that were so vigilant in procurring Scotland's independence.

I began to make several other observations about these proud Scots as the evening unfolded. Call me crazy, but they are a very interesting group. Such as:

1. They seem to be short of stature but stocky in build and attitude. I can not imagine anyone accusing one of them of having "little man" syndrome. At least not to live and tell about it, that is.

2. They like their women full-bodied but their scotch even stouter.

3. They have big balls. Eggs, sausage and toast are rolled into one big ball and deep fried, until they float. Once cool, they fit into the palm of your hand, perfect for nibbling on. (Freud would have a field day with this one!)

4. All Scottish descendents can mimic Sean Connery or Scottie from Star Trek, whether drunk or sober.

5. The saying, "eat your heart out" takes on a different connotation with the Scots who enjoy haggis as their national dish. For those who do not know what haggis is made of, it's sheeps heart, liver and lungs mixed with onions, oats and spices. Traditional haggis was encased in the lining of the sheeps stomach but more modern versions use casings, like a sausage and some are even sold in a can. I liken the canned version to be like SPAM.

6. They seem to enjoy stuffing their spoils and displaying them around the house. Some even act in a carnal regard to these poor, stuffed animals who once roamed the land. "Run Forest, run!"

7. Scots are usually fair skinned with blonde or red hair and light colored eyes. You know the look....sort of like Howdy Doody in a tartan kilt. (See example of the Doodster above.)

Overall, they are a most interesting group. I daresay I am already looking forward to next year's celebration and all things Scottish, however I was very disappointed that not one had a kilt. The question that is always forefront shall remain unanswered for another year: commando or covered?

HUZZAH!

It's A Good Day?????


Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead:

We awoke to reports that one of the most wanted leaders of al-Quaida was killed by 500 pounds of explosives in pre-dawn time in Baghdad. That would be Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. Apparently he was one of about 12 that was in their "safe house".....uh they may want to rename that now.........

Vogue!

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, proud parents of little Shiloh Nouvel have apparently sold the first pics of new baby girl Jolie-Pitt to People Magazine (issue on stand's tomorrow) with the proceeds going to a yet unnamed charity. They have been camped out in Africa awaiting the birth of the little bundle of joy but upset that the papparazzi have been trying to snap pics of the dynamic duo and children without their permission. ??????......uh maybe they should have re-thought their decision to post everywhere that they were camping out in another country with body guards and secret dwellings....

Guilty As Charged!

Barry March was found guilty of extortion on the plot to have his in-laws, Lawrence and Caroline Levin killed. uh....duh!

Goodbye Rocky Top - Hello Baltimore!

Titans Quarterback Steve McNair has been officially traded to the Baltimore Ravens. This comes on the heels of much turbulance in recent days for the oft injured Titans Past Golden Boy. We knew something was up when he was recently denied rights to practice with the Titans at their training camp. McNair first has to pass a physical before the ink can dry. uh.......good thing we aren't in the middle of playing time.

Rollback Prices!

It was reported that crude oil is officialy down $1 today! uh.......was that in honor of al-Zarqawi?

Did You Know???

I was behind an elderly gentlman this morning on my way to work in an old pick-up. He looked to be in his 70's and had his German Shepard for company. His license plate caught my attention. It read: ELVISLVS. uh......I guess he's with Jimmy Hoffa and Osama Bin Laden eating peanut butter and banana sandwiches.......

Thankyah, thankyah veryah much!

Diva's Revelation of the Week


The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed!

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Commentary:

I've never been, nor will I ever be, a political hound. While I care deeply for our country and the rights for our people, I just don't get into the pseudo-political whinings that some people seem to thrive on. Instead, I'm off contemplating some poetic prose and how I can spin a tale that would move my cat to tears.

However, yesterday I realized that I'm politically pissed right now. I will be the first to admit that I voted Republician in our last presidential election and not because I was a huge fan of ole George W. but because I thought he represented the lesser of two evils. At the time, I thought I had made the right choice. Frankly, I've not been impressed.

As someone so eloquently said to me yesterday (you know who you are), why is it that our troops are still in Iraq after two years, gas is $3 a galloon, our National Guard has to stand at our borders to keep illegals from getting into our country yet our President seems only concerned with gays and lesbians wanting to marry and commit to one another out of love? Excellent question.

What exactly is wrong with this picture? The Bible speaks of many things but the greatest of all was concerning love. I grew up in a conservative Baptist home, like many of my peers and yes, I can quote you some scriptures and tell you of my religious experiences pertaining to attending church weekly for years. The value of what I'd have to share would hardly be worth my efforts.

However, what I'd prefer to tell you is what I've learned about spirituality and God's love. Somehow the conservative right has forgotten the number rule: love thy neighbor as thyself. That doesn't mean the neighbors you find worthy - it means all neighbors. People, love is not wrong and if we think passing a bill to stop love is a good thing - we're in far greater danger than we admit. Who appointed anyone the judge on what love looks like anyway? Jesus certainly didn't, yet we dare to use Him as an excuse for our self-serving purposes? Be very afraid, friends.

I think it's time that George W. mount the Trojan he rode in on and return to Texas.

Can I get a HUZZAH???

Fat Albert's The Tooth Fairy

During the summer months, we have the pleasure of our two boys, Taylor and Alex, spending more time with us. This summer will be no exception. This means that during the day, they will stay with their Grandma Brown while me and Jerry are at work. It also means they have to get up at the crack of dawn, dressed and ready to ride with me at 7:15 so I can deliver them to her door on my way to work. Even when we manage to get them to bed at a decent hour, this is not an easy task to complete.

This morning they were told a half dozen times to wake up and great dressed. Even as we were rushing out at 7:25 (late as usual) they were putting on their socks and shoes as we climbed into Bluebell for the trek to Grandma's. The conversation is always a toss up depending on how awake they are.

Listed below are just some random comments that were made on the short 15 minute drive from LaVergne to Nolensville. These are in no certain order and I'll leave it up to you to figure out which child said what.

Drive Time Quotes of the Day:

** I'm so sleepy my clothes are tired.

** Clothes are inanimate, dummy.

** I think I have a lose tooth and I predict today I will lose it.

** I like losing teeth, it means money to me.

** Who do you think the tooth fairy really is?

** Fat Albert is the tooth fairy.

** Fat Albert is too fat for wings.

** That's angel discrimination.

** I thought only girls could be fairies.

** No....there are lots of guys who are fairies too.

** Bill Cosby is so old, he's probably ready to die.

** I thought he WAS dead.

** But Miss Tracey, you're a pretty fat; Fat Albert is a butt ugly fat.

** I think I'm going to give Grandma one more grey hair today.

** Me, Brandon and Andrew are going to be killing one another all day.

** Where do you think the color blue comes from?

** I think I have gas this morning.

** Whatever you do, point it away from me.

And there you have it! The only thing that will top this is the drive home this afternoon!