Things That We Really Don't Need To See
(and other stupid human tricks)
Daily I take a "yahoo" break - you know, check out the latest entertainment gossip and news around the world. I usually find something of interest or something to give me a laugh or shake my head in disgust. The one I ran across recently was no exception.
I came across an article regarding Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' baby girl, Suri.....or well.....at least about her poop that is. Apparently it is become the "in" thing to have your baby's first poop after birth bronzed so you can put it proudly on display so Aunt Mabel can tell all the ladies in her church group what a good little shitter your kid is. I can just hear her now...."yeah, that baby has the Higgenbotham's bowels if I ever did see one.....she pooped just like Hubert when he was a baby."
This trend has been invented by a guy named Daniel Edwards who wrote the bestselling children's book (??) entitled Everybody Poops. I'm not kidding here folks, I have even READ the book. My producer and his wife, being the trendy parents they, are had this book in their daughter's library and she proudly asked me to read her the "poop book" while on break from a recording session.
He was also the guy who sculpted a bronze of Britney Spear's giving birth to Sean Preston on a bear-skinned rug. His latest installment of Suri Cruise's first poop will be on display at the Capla Festing Fine Art Gallery in Brooklyn, NY.
The moral of that "yahoo" break? We all poop..let's not write a book about it.
Naturally, being a person that likes to take things one step further, there are simply some things we really don't need to see. Below is a list of 12 things that I feel should be banned from others eyes and perhaps our own as well:
1. Any female condition unless it's childbirth at which point the sucker that knocked you up should have to endure every painful, disgusting moment from the foot of your bed. Talk about safe sex!! That'll do it.
2. Hubby's skid marks in his Fruit of the Looms
3. Hairs growing from nose, ears and other weird places.
4. Legions, boils or pus filled anything
5. Hemmorhoids
6. Uncle Bubba's ingrown toenail
7. Iggy Pop skinny dipping
8. Bob Corker as a Chippendale dancer (Note, he does NOT approve this ad)
9. Hilary Clinton as a Victoria's Secret Model
10. Howard Stern as a Goodwill Embassador
11. Rush Limbaugh as a transvestite
12. Harold Ford, Jr. as a porn star (Note: it was on a democratic fund raiser and a few pictures were taken)
posted by Diva @ 2:37 PM
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