Hot Lips, Hawkeye and the Hunt for Red October

Ever wonder why Hawkeye and Pierce called Major Houlahan Hot Lips? I always thought it was because she looked like she had a good injection of collagen, long before that was even a regular practice. My spouse thinks it was because they wanted to embarass and offend her at every turn (which was true) and that using a name that was provocative would rub her the wrong way. Any woman knows she secretly loved it. It made her feel sexy, desirable and given their setting and wardrobe, what woman wouldn't need a reminder?

Sadly in 2006, tragedy is everywhere. In the malls, at work, the check-out at Kroger's, the driver behind you in the SUV - women with perfectly couffed hair, nails, outfit and make-up. So what, you ask? Well the "what" is that they look great but for one basic fundamental principal - they aren't wearing any lipstick!

Over the years, I have taken many a jab over the fact I am a lipstick aficionado. I usually laugh it off and keep applying anyway. Anyone that has spent any amount of time with me knows that after dining, the first thing I do is reach for my handbag and extract my special little lipstick carrier with the mirror and re-apply. 98% of the time I'm not even aware that I'm doing it as it's so ingrained into my mind. Much like brushing your teeth or hair. If you have been wondering why this is, keep reading. If you haven't, maybe you should keep reading anyway.

Back in the day (we won't mention HOW far back), all young women, especially SOUTHERN women took Home Economics in high school. I don't even think they offer Home Ec. anymore which in itself is tragic but I digress. You took Home Ec. to learn how to cook, sew, take care of the house and become as feminine as possible; all the while learning how to play up the looks the Good Lord had bestowed upon you. I remember the lessons on a proper manicure, facials, make-up application and hair styling. No joke!

I had an unfair advantage than most girls in my class. I had two older sisters that had been playing "beauty shop" and "wedding day" with me since before I could form a complete sentence. I remember being terribly peturbed that Mrs. Rayburn refused to allow me to be the one to demonstrate proper nail polishing. She said I needed to let someone else that wasn't as skilled have a chance. Whatever! Once the nail polish got all over the table, I couldn't help but feel slightly vindicated.

Also, my Mother had a lot to do with my obsession with lipstick. She felt (and still feels) that other people have to look at your face all day, not you. Therefore, it is your privilege, duty even, to make sure that the face they are seeing is as pleasant and attractive as possible. These words are planted in my brain for eternity, "A little lip color opens up your whole face." These are words I live by.

Next time you are going about your daily routine, take a look around. Check to see if that nice woman standing in front of you is wearing or not. If she is not, compare her to another woman who IS wearing. See the difference? I thought you would. Nothing is worse than seeing a pretty girl/woman decked to the nines with no color on her face. It gets even more horrific if you see an ugly woman with no color on her face.

Okay, so you fully understand the importance of wearing color.....but WHAT color? Are there differences in brands? Certainly! Knowing what color is appropriate for your skin tone is almost as important as wearing.

For instance:

If you have fair skin and lighter colored hair - you are probably a Spring or a Summer (which is a whole other posting). You want to wear shades that are warm. Again, this can be explained in another posting.

If you have olive or darker skin tones with darker colored hair - you are probably an Autumn or Winter. I'm a winter. You want to wear shades that are cool.

Once you have the right color chosen, then you must choose the best kind of coverage. I've tried all the expensive brands but I always seem to come back to my brand of choice, L'oreal. Oh yes, I am worth it. Worth it to the point that I have most of the cool colors they make. I will say that I have had a very difficult time finding the right shade of red. I need a blue/red as opposed to an orange/red. There is a huge difference and if you have on a blue/red item of clothing with an orange/red shade of lipstick.....well it's going to look like crap. Trust me.

I've spent far too much money on the more expensive brands: Clinique, Merle Norman, Bare Essentials, Origins, Lancome.....on and on.....one interesting fact I've discovered? The more expensive, the smellier they come. This is extremely important if you have a man in your life. You want your lips to be luscious and inviting. It doesn't matter if you have the right color or not, if your lips taste like boiled eggs - well there's not much kissing going on.

Anyway, I'm sure I'm sharing far more than you'll ever care to know about lipstick but just remember this on a grey winter's day - wouldn't you rather see a sweet smiling face that just seems to beat the clouds away or a face that matches the atmosphere around you? Try it....you might discover you're a winter too!